Letters to Anastasha on Her Birthday

My Sweet Anastasha...

I can’t believe it has been a whole year already since you were with us.  This year has brought about many changes in my life, but my love for you has not been one of the things that has changed.  It has remained constant and strong.

I think of you so often, my little love.  Every morning when I wake up, I see your beautiful face in a picture above your mother on her side of the bed.  I think of you when I see one of my several patients who are your same age.  And most recently, I think of you when I hold your baby sister, Anabella, in my arms.  Oh how I love you and miss you so.

There are sounds of new life in our house again these days.  Anabella and Caleb are a sweet fragrance to us, a gift from our Good Father.  And while they are a great double blessing, they do not replace you in our hearts.  There is still a spot reserved for you there.  Your absence is still felt in daily ways at our house.

Your mother and brothers and sisters love you so much even though they never really knew you.  You are still talked about like a living, breathing member of our family.  I bless you each night as I bless the other children.  If I ever slip up and say we only have ten children, I am quickly corrected (usually by 3 or 4 kids at once) that we in fact have 11.

I think what has made your loss most bearable to me is knowing where you are and Who you are with.  I know you are with a Daddy Who loves you much more and can love you much better than I ever could.  For that I am so grateful.

Your life has mattered here...a lot.  I still meet people who tell me how you impacted them.  There is even a young man who may be in the Kingdom someday because of you.  And your life has mattered to me.  I have known greater fellowship with Daddy because of you.  I love Jesus more because of you.  And I long for Heaven in ways that I never have before.

So on this first “birthday”, my precious Anastasha, please know that you are loved immeasurably here.  I wish I could hold your little body in my arms again.  I wish I could smell you and kiss your cheeks.  I wish I could watch your little legs carrying you, stumbling across the floor.  I wish I could hear your sweet giggle.  But I know that someday we will embrace again, this time with perfect bodies.  And we will walk together in His Kingdom that has no end, singing of His Goodness forever.  You may have beat me there, but I’ll be there soon. 

I love you my precious one. 

Your Daddy

A Poem from Amalyah:

A Poem from Ariana:

A Note from Charis:

A Card from Corban:

A Picture from Caelan:

A Note from Niyah: